A little about me:

I'm 32 & married to the most amazing man, Eddie who is 30. I have a 14 year old daughter from a previous relationship (although Eddie has been her Dad since she was 6). I was 17 when I had her. Eddie and I were married in November 2012 and are now expecting a son in October 2014! We had a bit of a journey for one year trying to conceive our son - I'm sure that someday I will share all of our trials, but for now I'm just going to bask in the joy that we are able to have a child!
It has been 14 years since I have experienced pregnancy and raising a baby so it kind of feels like the first time all over again.

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Our Eddie

Our little Eddie (Cinco), has been so sick since his one year check up in September. He was given quite a few shots (I think 5) and a flu shot.
I also stopped nursing him around this same time because I found out I was pregnant with our other little baby.
I have taken him to the doctor probably 10 times in the last few months because he has been wheezing and having a hard time breathing. He also has a cough, runny nose, congestion and most recently a high fever. I think he also had an ear infection during that time.
He has been through 3 rounds of antibiotics, steroids and breathing treatments. Nothing has made him better. The breathing treatments are a bandaid. I finally on November 20th asked for a chest X-ray and he was diagnosed with reactive airway disease (asthma).
It is very frustrating being brushed off and not listened to.
One thing I've learned is that mothers and fathers know their children better than anyone. You have to be their advocate and ask for things to be done otherwise they will keep giving you dumb explanations for why your child is acting a certain way.
Saturday night (12/12), Eddie called me to tell me that Cinco had a fever. I was told by a pediatrician that if he got a fever he needed to be seen right away because it could mean pneumonia. So at 9:30 at night we rushed him to the ER.
They did a chest X-ray and didn't find anything too worrisome, so they sent us home with antibiotics. 
Fast forward to the next day and Cinco was acting lethargic in the afternoon. He came over to me and just slumped on to me. I thought it was so weird. I took his temperature and it was 105.7.
We took him back to the ER and they began treating him for high fever and did another chest X-ray. They decided that he had a viral infection on top of his asthma. They decided to give him two shots of antibiotics, a breathing treatment and ibuprofen. Thank goodness it worked so he didn't need to be admitted.
He was sent home with a low fever of 100 and was doing great. :)

The next day I took him for his follow up with his pediatrician.
She knows him and knows all that he's been through in the last three months. She was concerned because his fever was rising again and he had a fast heart rate and puss on his tonsils. She decided to send us to Children's hospital.
To make a long story short we didn't get any new answers from children's.
Cinco has been doing great one hour and then the next he is struggling to breathe. When we went to children's he was doing awesome and they couldn't hear any wheezing. It's frustrating because this morning he's having a hard time breathing again. So much so that when I just took him to Safeway with me a woman said something about him having a hard time breathing. (I had just given him his max dose of his inhaler before we went into the store). All I could say was "I know, I just gave him a breathing treatment"... I felt like crap.
I just want to cry. I just want him better.
Actually, I do cry. A lot. 

I know it could be a lot worse, but this is the worst my baby has been.
I don't even really know why I'm sharing this. I guess so I don't forget and if my next baby has this I will remember what we went through.

So, where do we go from here?
We have a follow up tomorrow morning with his pediatrician and I'm going to ask for referrals to a couple specialists. 
If his asthma is this bad I need to learn how to control it and help him. I want to know what triggers it for him and how we can avoid those things.
We want our baby better!


Wednesday, November 25, 2015

11 weeks!

Tiniest little baby bump at 11 weeks!
Plus my little cinco man couldn't be left out of the picture . ;)
This last week was rough!
Started off with cinco getting the flu and puking every twenty minutes all night long. :( (so sad!) then cinco was FINALLY diagnosed with restrictive airway disease (asthma pretty much). It's the same thing Kaina had at this age. After two months of him wheezing and sick we finally got him on medicine to help clear it up. Although he finished his meds yesterday and he's still not better :-/
Saturday our whole family was hit with the flu. It was awful!! It's Wednesday and were all starting to feel a little better.

I bought a fetal heart monitor! It's really cool! Now I can hear the heartbeat whenever I want :)

At 10 weeks I got the Counsyl test done to check for genetic abnormalities and gender. Got the results back yesterday!! Baby is totally healthy and cleared of any abnormalities!
And it's a....







You have to wait to find out ;-)
We know, but we're not telling....yet!

I've been feeling pretty good aside from having the flu.
Some days I think my energy is coming back and then, nope! I'm still feeling super tired. That could also be from the flu though.

I've gained 4 pounds in under two months. :/ that has a lot to do with being on 21 day fix and then eating whatever the heck I want for the last 2 months. Lol
It's been rough ;-) 
Ps I'm so excited for thanksgiving tomorrow!!!!

(&& that moment you realize that orange is the new black will have a new season released right at the same time you have a newborn! So excited for nonstop nursing + late night tv watching) :D

I'm craving banana Popsicles and meat. It's a weird combo for sure.....

Nothing else exciting happening now.....
Oh! I am starting to have spider veins pop up again. Yay.

Until next time! 

Xo xo xo

Sunday, November 15, 2015

7 weeks with June bug

Last week was...eventful.
More cramping and contraction type feelings. I looked it up and both are totally normal. I'm thinking it's because this is my third pregnancy? So far nothing has been like the other two. I have zero symptoms the majority of the time and then out of nowhere I'll get hit with a wave of emotions. Or my boobs will randomly hurt. I keep getting dizzy and that is actually making me excited! I was so dizzy the entire time I was pregnant with Kaina, so I'm thinking its a good sign. I'm also pretty tired the majority of the time.
Probably tmi but I can't stay too far away from toilet. This scares me because that's how I felt when I miscarried last month. 
I have to keep telling myself: different baby, different pregnancy & different outcome.
We just want this little bean SOO bad!!
I keep feeling like everything will be ok. I just hope those feelings are right.


My dr said I can come get an early ultrasound. I declined it earlier, but I think that I'm going to take him up on it now. 
I also might switch doctors. I felt so dismissed by my Drs nurses and I hate that I'm afraid to call if I have a concern. I really do like my doctor but I also want someone who's more proactive.... I don't know. I'll figure it out later :)

I'm waiting outside work right now. I start in 11 minutes. All I want to do is recline my seat and take a nap. Lol

Do you think they'd notice if I didn't show up? ;-)

We went out to breakfast this morning  and I got so full that now I feel like I could sleep FOREVER! Zzz....

Alright. Have a great week!

(I'll edit this if I do go on for an ultrasound)

10 weeks

10 weeks today!
This week I'm going in for free cell DNA testing. It's a super cool blood test! Basically the babies skin cells flake off into my bloodstream so the dr is able to test for genetic abnormalities (& gender!) in a very noninvasive way. How cool is that?!
I'm feeling super normal. I'm just tired and craving crap food (oh joy).
Every time I talk about this baby I want to say she, or her. I'm thinking its a girl, but we'll see soon enough 😋
I've also gained 4 pounds since I found out I was pregnant 6 weeks ago. Agh! I need to calm down on the junk food. It's hard when I haven't been able to stop thinking about donuts since I woke up at 6. :-/ 
Oh yeah! I also have insomnia again. Awesome. 
It's all worth it for this little love!
Feeling so overjoyed <3

Saturday, October 17, 2015

I want pepperoni pizza at 6 am

Surprise! I'm pregnant 😆
I am currently 5 weeks 5 days.
(I probably won't publish this for a couple months, but wanted to start blogging earlier than I did last time).
How am I feeling?
In August I had a miscarriage 😞 so I'm SUPER paranoid about every little feeling. On Tuesday I was cramping really bad and was convinced that I was miscarrying again. I called my dr and asked for them to check my hcg levels. Wednesday they were 15,400 and Friday they were 22,000. So things are looking good! Sometimes it's just nice to have that reassurance.
I am SOOO exhausted. Like, I find it hard to get out of bed. I was never this exhausted with Kaina or Eddie.
I am super bitchy. My mood swings are a little crazy. :-/ 

Up until now I didn't really have an appetite, but yesterday I started getting hungry again. Right now I really want pepperoni pizza. Yum! Yesterday I wanted fake Kraft American cheese. I can't even remember the last time I ate some (or wanted some). Lol

Mood swings
Extreme fatigue
No other symptoms really. I have a little bit of acne (1 on my chin).
Weird stomach grumbling/churning feeling.... It happens all the time and I never had this happen with Eddie (don't remember with Kaina).
Very depressed :-( I think it's because I am so worried that something is going to happen. Plus, I feel totally alone. (See?!) 

How's Eddie:
Excited (I hope)

How we have been telling people:
Just told my family
Had a onesie on Eddie that says "gonna be a big brother) to tell Eddie's mom and Dave 

Akaina is excited.
I'm not really sure. This pregnancy feels different. Like we are all afraid to be really excited. It makes me sad. It's still really early, so I'm sure this will change :)

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

My baby is ONE!

This has been such a joyful year. We are all so happy to have little cinco in our lives! 💙
He is growing in to being such an amazing person. He has such joy and light about him. It radiates and I love that! So happy/sad that he's one! I love the baby stage and am sad that it goes by so fast, but I also love being able to play with him and watch him grow.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

6 months!!

I can't believe my little love is 6 months old! He is such a total blessing! I can't believe I lived so much of my life without him.
Right now he weighs about 16.5 - 17 pounds! He has tripled his birth weight in 6 months. Not bad!
He can sit up, but can't sit himself up. He rolls over and can move himself around pretty good like that. 😉 
He laughs like crazy (which I love)!
He only woke up once last night! It was at 4 am to eat and then he was right back to bed in his pack n play.
It felt so good to sleep!!

I took these photos using my iPhone, timer and afterlight to edit.

Akaina colored her hair green! It looks so cute :)

Here are some other pictures from the last few months :)

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Warning! Long off topic post...

I love this life.
I am feeling a little introspective today and felt the need to post about it.
So here I am, 5:30 am, baby on chest, blogging.
I've always been an over sharer. I will tell you anything and everything you want to know about me, but only if I know you already. I look at it like we are strengthening our "bond" by me sharing pieces of myself. 
This is hard. 
I also share things about other people. Things that I'm "pretty sure" they would share about them self in that situation. Sometimes they are innocent things like "so and so is dating so and so", or "someone started doing a cleanse, or something"... Blah blah blah. Other times they're not as nice. "So and so gained weight", or "so and so is doing this with their kids", etc. 
Then there are the times where I'm ashamed of myself. Talking about someone and stating my opinion: "they really shouldn't be, why would they, that's so dumb", etc. 
Who am I to judge anyway?
Then there are the times that I assume and proceed to share my assumptions with others. Tacky.
I had a wake up call this week and I'm calling myself out. I honestly didn't even realize that I was doing anything wrong by talking about others in an innocent way. Most of the time it's not bad stuff at all, but it's still not my place.
I didn't realize it was bad until I heard that things were being said about me. 
My first thought was "why would they say that?" Next, "why would they share something like that?" Finally, "that's so rude." I felt so hurt. 
I realized that that is probably something that I would mention if I knew the people well. Gross. 
So, from now on I'm going to put myself in the persons shoes before I say anything. Would I care if someone said blank about me? No? You get what I'm saying.
I'm tired of not knowing what to talk about so I bring up other people. This actually makes me feel awkward when other people do it, so why do I?

While I'm on a roll of being all "introspectivey", I need to mention some good news :-)

January 1st I hit 5 years not drinking or smoking!! 👏👏👏👏

It's amazing what doors can open up when you decide to start living your life.
The day I decided to be sober my life changed. I started living. I stopped making excuses for the way my life was and realized i had the power to turn it in to what I wanted it to be. 
Since that day I have had my dreams come true! I married my best friend and had a gorgeous baby boy. I ran two marathons and a number of halfs. I graduated from college!!! I've grown into someone that is a great example for my daughter. I learned how to appreciate the small things and to cherish moments. I've made many new friends and grown a deep understanding of myself. I've learned to call myself out (& that there's always room for improvement). I've learned how to say no. 
I've lost soo many friends...which is sad, but expected. I am rarely invited to things that involve drinking. I've overheard people call me "lame" & I'm ashamed to admit that I have thought of drinking again in those moments. I want to hang out and go on trips - I can still have fun and not be "lame".
Then I remember everything I have gained from not drinking. I would much rather have what I do now, then a few memories with people who can't accept me how I am.

That took a turn ;-) this is what happens when you wake up from a nightmare at 4 and can't sleep because of it. 
Too. Much. Time. Thinking.

Ok, I'm done for now :)

Integrity is the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness. It is generally a personal choice to uphold oneself to consistently moral and ethical standards.

Saturday, January 3, 2015

3 months

I can't believe our little peanut, bubba is 3 months old!
At 3 months he has started talking and smiling so much. By 3.5 months he is just starting to laugh :)
He has laughed at his daddy and Papa Dave, but he hasn't full on laughed at me yet.
I am so happy. I never thought I could get any happier. My heart is SO full it sometimes feels like it could burst open.
I love Eddie more and more each day. The way he loves our son makes me love him more.
Kaina is so helpful and amazing! I think we actually fight less now. He has reminded me what Kaina was like as a baby :)