A little about me:

I'm 32 & married to the most amazing man, Eddie who is 30. I have a 14 year old daughter from a previous relationship (although Eddie has been her Dad since she was 6). I was 17 when I had her. Eddie and I were married in November 2012 and are now expecting a son in October 2014! We had a bit of a journey for one year trying to conceive our son - I'm sure that someday I will share all of our trials, but for now I'm just going to bask in the joy that we are able to have a child!
It has been 14 years since I have experienced pregnancy and raising a baby so it kind of feels like the first time all over again.

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Warning! Long off topic post...

I love this life.
I am feeling a little introspective today and felt the need to post about it.
So here I am, 5:30 am, baby on chest, blogging.
I've always been an over sharer. I will tell you anything and everything you want to know about me, but only if I know you already. I look at it like we are strengthening our "bond" by me sharing pieces of myself. 
This is hard. 
I also share things about other people. Things that I'm "pretty sure" they would share about them self in that situation. Sometimes they are innocent things like "so and so is dating so and so", or "someone started doing a cleanse, or something"... Blah blah blah. Other times they're not as nice. "So and so gained weight", or "so and so is doing this with their kids", etc. 
Then there are the times where I'm ashamed of myself. Talking about someone and stating my opinion: "they really shouldn't be, why would they, that's so dumb", etc. 
Who am I to judge anyway?
Then there are the times that I assume and proceed to share my assumptions with others. Tacky.
I had a wake up call this week and I'm calling myself out. I honestly didn't even realize that I was doing anything wrong by talking about others in an innocent way. Most of the time it's not bad stuff at all, but it's still not my place.
I didn't realize it was bad until I heard that things were being said about me. 
My first thought was "why would they say that?" Next, "why would they share something like that?" Finally, "that's so rude." I felt so hurt. 
I realized that that is probably something that I would mention if I knew the people well. Gross. 
So, from now on I'm going to put myself in the persons shoes before I say anything. Would I care if someone said blank about me? No? You get what I'm saying.
I'm tired of not knowing what to talk about so I bring up other people. This actually makes me feel awkward when other people do it, so why do I?

While I'm on a roll of being all "introspectivey", I need to mention some good news :-)

January 1st I hit 5 years not drinking or smoking!! 👏👏👏👏

It's amazing what doors can open up when you decide to start living your life.
The day I decided to be sober my life changed. I started living. I stopped making excuses for the way my life was and realized i had the power to turn it in to what I wanted it to be. 
Since that day I have had my dreams come true! I married my best friend and had a gorgeous baby boy. I ran two marathons and a number of halfs. I graduated from college!!! I've grown into someone that is a great example for my daughter. I learned how to appreciate the small things and to cherish moments. I've made many new friends and grown a deep understanding of myself. I've learned to call myself out (& that there's always room for improvement). I've learned how to say no. 
I've lost soo many friends...which is sad, but expected. I am rarely invited to things that involve drinking. I've overheard people call me "lame" & I'm ashamed to admit that I have thought of drinking again in those moments. I want to hang out and go on trips - I can still have fun and not be "lame".
Then I remember everything I have gained from not drinking. I would much rather have what I do now, then a few memories with people who can't accept me how I am.

That took a turn ;-) this is what happens when you wake up from a nightmare at 4 and can't sleep because of it. 
Too. Much. Time. Thinking.

Ok, I'm done for now :)

Integrity is the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness. It is generally a personal choice to uphold oneself to consistently moral and ethical standards.